Skanks by Keaton Albertson

Skanks, Keaton Albertson.  Compton, California: Fast Pencil Inc., 2011.   e-book, 167 pps.

Skanks details the sexual vagrancies of self-styled man whore and ex-Mormon Keaton Albertson.  Women-- quite a few of them.  Hot fornicating casual sex, check.  Cussing, check.  And some good chuckles.  Writing that delivers with a hefty punch.

sapphoq reviews says:  Skanks, like all of the Keaton Albertson writing that I have seen, is not for folks who offend easily.  There were some good belly laughs in this one.  And a variety of slang words for all kinds of sexual parts and uh, wonderment.  At the end of Skanks is a section on obese women.  Obese women and many others will not appreciate this section.  It is brutally honest.  All of Skanks is brutally honest.  Keaton Albertson tells his memoirs with a certain swagger and joie de vivre.  Feminists may not appreciate it.  But these are his own experiences and he tells it like it is.  Coarse and rude, for readers who like coarse and rude.
                                         

Criminal Mischief by Keaton Albertson

Criminal Mischief: Delightful Chronicles of Juvenile Delinquency, Keaton Albertson.  self-published: 2010.  e-book, 288 pps.

Keaton Albertson recollects some youthful disinhibitions in Criminal Mischief.  He has two strange brothers, a dad who understands more than he let on to understanding, a mother who curses when screaming at her kids not to curse, some best friends, and some teachers at a public school who are primarily practicing Mormons, or L.D.S. due to being in Utah and all of that.  Keaton Albertson himself was reared as a Mormon but [in a later book] successfully left that particular faith.

Criminal Mischief is about all boyish pranks that border to-- or at times outright crosses over to-- the criminal.  Although aware that I was rooting for the "wrong side" I could not help but laugh at his antics.  I envy Keaton as a child.  By comparison I was too quiet and never got to vandalize teachers' houses or blow stuff up.  And I'm glad that he didn't get sent away to one of them behavior mod boarding facilities.  That probably would have wrecked his writing style as well as a large measure of his life and what makes Keaton Albertson a cause celebre among folks like us.

sapphoq reviews says:  Yeah, Keaton Albertson was something as a young boy and teen.  I laughed through all of Criminal Mischief.  But there was more than boyhood pranks here.  There was also an astute comment on the hypocrisy of his high school faculty when the call came to deny his buddy's valedictorianship on the basis of a "lack of moral character".  If you object to lots of cursing, trash talk, or kids that aren't behaving in a lily white fashion, skip all things Keaton Albertson.  If you don't, you are in for a rollicking ride with Criminal Mischief.

Mormon Mayhem by Keaton Albertson

Mormon Mayhem: Uncouth Stories of a Rogue Missionary, Keaton Albertson.  Compton, California: Fast Pencil Inc., 2010. 
e-book, 275 pps.

Mormon Mayhem chronicles the six weeks or so that Keaton spent as a Mormon missionary, plus a bit of time before and after his experience.  After some instruction in what to do, he was then assigned to some town in Florida with a partner.  Fortunately for Keaton but not for the L.D.S., Keaton's partner was cool.  Partner was willing to show Keaton how to score chicks.  Together they plotted to ditch their witnessing efforts quite a bit of the time there.  They also plotted how to cover that up.  Then Something happened.  It was a big Something.  The result of Something happening is that Keaton stopped pretending his compliance and became outright defiant.  He then decided to ditch the mask and went on his merry way doing what he does best-- irreverence and humor and sex with women.

sapphoq reviews says: Keaton Albertson is a worthwhile writer.  His words zing with truth and have left me in choking hysterics and deep belly laughs.  If you get offended easily by cursing or talk of unmarried sex, don't get this book.  If you are an adult with a sense of humor and the understanding that some folks just don't do church well, by all means get this book.  Anything that Keaton Albertson is designed to tickle the funny bone while imparting some basic fun truths about the human condition. 

The Anti-Therapist by Keaton Albertson

The Anti-Therapist: Interrogations and Interventions with Sex Offenders, Keaton Albertson.  Self-Published e-book, Keaton Albertson, 2012.  528 pps.

In researching the troubled teen industry, I became curious as to whether or not some sects of the [fundamentalist variety; that is to say the fringe polygamist sects] Latter Day Saints had the underpinnings of an abuse culture.  I came across several e-books by Keaton Alberton.  Keaton Albertson grew up in a Mormon household but departed from that faith as he rocketed into adulthood.  The Keaton Alberton books had nothing to do with the question of abuse culture or the troubled teen industry.  Samples convinced me to read them anyways.  So here is the first one that I've read.

As a young man, Keaton Albertson got a job as a treatment facilitator.  He had to interview various predators who were locked up for treatment as part of their sentences for their various disgusting crimes.  Their crimes were truly disgusting.  And so were some of their behaviors on their living units.  Keaton's clientele included folks who did things with their grandchildren, with barn animals, with shit, and with anything filthy imaginable.  They were required to disclose a full sexual history.  Their perversions were worse than anything that I've seen on television.  And these guys saw nothing wrong with things like trying to get a horse to administer oral sex [FAIL], beating on a Staffordshire terrier and then trying to get it to give them oral sex [FAIL], masturbating with feces in public toilet stalls that were vacated by little girls [FAIL], stealing underwear from a garage sale [FAIL], ejaculating into a hole they secretly created in their neighbor's kid's teddy bear and then leaving it on the pillow uncleaned to fester when the neighbors weren't at home [FAIL].  In spite of the subject matter, I laughed uproariously at Keaton's descriptions of each interview and situation that he ran into.  I don't think I will quite forget for a long time the likes of a dude who left little piles of constipated shit in the communal shower stall at the treatment facility or the guy who stole hot sauce from the cafeteria to use as a lubricant during his special moments with his penis and testicles.  Keaton's story-telling ability shone throughout the book.  The truly frightening thing about this book is that the guys that he described really do exist.  And until they get caught, they are out in public doing things or possibly next door having pool parties and mowing the lawn.  

Keaton also recounted his escapades with a couple of buddies from work after-hours.  And a new boss that he named Assclown who certainly resembled his moniker.

A friend of mine from high school used to hang out quite a bit at her apartment.  Her mother was a stout Irish woman who used to tell us all of the time that "Truth is stranger than fiction."  [She also told us more than once that we stank like a brewery when we descended upon the apartment after a drinking spree in college].  To which I can say, "Yeah.  Truth certainly is."  The Anti-Therapist is a perfect illustration of that motto.

I never really cared for my snooty neighbors-- the ones with the pool parties and mowed lawn-- but now I am leery of them as well. It's far too easy to picture them doing all kinds of really demented sexual stuff while putting on a good front around town.  Just makes me want to go live in a cave very far away from anyone and anywhere.

sapphoq reviews says:  If you object to sexual topics or cursing, then don't read this book.  But if you are able to deal with f-bombs and weird things you've never thought about, then The Anti-Therapist is a winner.  It helps if you've read enough John Douglas or have a decent background in anything related to true crime or perps and how they pick their targets.  Keaton Albertson is a winner of a writer.  I'm looking forward to reading more of his books.  Highly recommended.