SICK SATURDAYS 4/14/07

Whatever you do, don't decide to seek medical attention on a Saturday.
On Saturdays, my doctor's medical practice offers hours.
Who is there on any given Saturday is pot luck.
Originally, the physicians' assistants were assigned to take on Saturdays and evenings on a rotating basis.

Doctors secretly complain about what liabilities that the P.A.s are to them but forget that patients like the physicians' assistants.

"What the hell is he doing here today?"
The rent-a-nurse shrugged. "It's becoming more common to have one of the docs work today."
I offered her the same vacant smile she offered me.
Office politics.
Mustn't ask.

In walks doctor friend of doctor.
They forgot to tell doctor friend of doctor a few things in medical school.

Thus in my ever present spirit of helpfulness, here are my pointers for dealing with Nervous Wreck:

(1). Do not tell Nervous Wreck something like, "I hope it's only that."
Do not then say, "Uh if you get feverish or see blood, go to an e.r.--
right away."
Especially if Nervous Wreck is leaving on a long trip the next day.
Nervous Wreck is well-acquainted with every health rule and symptom
there is. Furthermore, cruising Medscape is her hobby.
She knows every single thing that can go wrong with human, dog, cat,
frog, or husband.

(2). Listen to Nervous Wreck when she tells you that it's the little tomatoes
in the sauce that triggers runs for two days.
Don't repeat the words "little tomatoes" in a monotone to show Nervous Wreck that you are listening.
You are getting paid to listen, moron.
Nervous Wreck has made it through life thus far by being able to spot
faking interest.

(3). Don't tell Nervous Wreck that San Francisco is a beautiful city. Nervous
Wreck has already paid enough attention to know more about your
proclivities and has known for several years what they involve. [Hint:
that pic in the specialty magazine...Nervous Wreck reads everything
obsessively on her obsessive jaunts to the bookstore].

(4). Dump the entire Saturday office staff. They are lazy and badly dressed.

(5). Bring back the physicians' assistants on Saturdays dammit.

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