You Suck by Christopher Moore

You Suck: A Love Story, Christopher Moore. New York: HarperCollins e-books, 2007.  235 pps.

You Suck starts out with a newly turned vampire and his girlfriend. There is a very heavy cat who was shaved and given a sweater, a few bronzed "statues," and a group of co-workers on the night shift at a supermarket. And some bad guys of course. 

sapphoq reviews says: I was guffawing in the living room. Housemate knew I was once again reading a Christopher Moore book. You Suck is a light-hearted look at a few young vampires. Have you ever considered what happens to the bathroom habits of the undead? I mean, they usually don't eat. So... 
     If you are a fan of Christopher Moore or of vampires of a different sort, you must read this book. You Suck certainly does not suck. Highly recommended.